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    October 31

    boo!

    Well, I'm basically quarantined this week, or so it feels, but I did need to make a drugstore run today.  Remember that I'm taking some serious antibiotics and I'm supposed to be watching for unhealthy side effects...one of them being hallucinations.
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    So, I'm walking through CVS and I gather my purchases and then I decide to go over to the refrigerator to grab a diet coke.  I'm not sure what the politically correct way to tell this story is, so I'm just going to tell you factually.  I turn the corner and I literally, audibly gasped at what I saw.  I honestly, from the truest part of my heart, thought I was having an hallucination. 
     
    Standing there before me was a woman who was dressed as a cat--ears, tail dragging the ground and full face makeup--and gang, she was a dwarf.  First, I'd forgotten it was Halloween and so I couldn't process what was happening, and then, I wasn't expecting a dwarf with a cat tail and ears.  I really thought for that split second which led up to the gasp that I was seeing something that wasn't real.
     
    She smiled and then I snapped out of my fear of my meds and I tried to apologize.  You know what, though?  It doesn't matter how many times you say that you forgot it was Halloween and that you're taking strong medication, you still look like a total heel for being insensitive.  I wasn't being insensitive at all on purpose.  I just have a very small brain.
     
    -b

    Whining and then Music

    Well, gang, I'm very grumpy.  I wasn't going to tell you because it's just absurd, but the truth is I'm under the weather AGAIN.  Yes, AGAIN.  It's so stupid.  It seems the ear infection and the antibiotics I was on a few weeks ago weakened my immune system and I picked up a little irritant with my visit to the hospital to see my friend...and now I'm on more antibiotics and I'm officially off all work through at least Monday.  Sigh...
     
    I'm so over this!  I have days when I dream of being a complete slacker...but now that I'm forced into it, I HATE it!  I'm entering my third official day of not being able to ignore it (plus three days before of pretending nothing was wrong) and I'm ready to pull my hair out.  There are so many things I should be doing...I just went into the office and tried to fire up the gear to record some more for my CD and I got so tired that I had to come back to the couch.  See???? How much energy does it really take to turn on computers?!?!?!?  I'm so wimpy.  Wendy Whiner.  Whaaa...
     
    Okay, thanks for listening.  On to fun things.
     
    I just got to listen to Nick Lapointe's EP.  Do you know how much fun it is to not check your email for a few days and then open it and realize you'd overlooked an important email from someone you like, open it, and find MUSIC?  What a lovely find.  I like Nick's music a lot.  I always have and so it's nice to have a collection of it.  Yes, Nick, I plan to return the favor at some point in this millenium...hopefully!  www.myspace.com/lapointemusic   Nick's wife, Allie, is also extraordinary.  I wonder if their house has a glow over it or something due to all the talent inside?
     
    I told Joel that I bought the Carrie Underwood CD on his recommendation and that if I didn't like it, then he had to buy my dinner this past Friday.  Well, the truth is I still haven't listened to it.  And the further truth is that while Joel THOUGHT he was having dinner with ME this past Friday, I was actually just setting him up.  A friend of his from California was flying in to visit and wanted to shock Joel, so we set it up that Joel would think he was eating with me and then his friend would show up instead.  It worked like a charm.  They tell me it took Joel about 5 full minutes to comprehend what was happening.  Hooray!!!!   I still think he owes me dinner, though.  For something...I just can't think of what...
     
    It's 11:15 A.M. here.  Nothing accomplished.  ...wait, I can read!  I got some great books for my birthday.  I'll READ!  You guys are brilliant!  Great idea...
     
    -b
    October 30

    Lars and the Real Girl

    I laughed.  I gasped.  I laughed.  I laughed.  I cried.  Then I laughed for crying.  And then I laughed until I cried. 

    http://movies.aol.com//movie/lars-and-the-real-girl/26289/video/trailer-no-1/1960719

    -b

    October 29

    28 Again

    I disappeared for the weekend while I digested the English Muffin dialogue.  I hope you all had a lovely pre-Halloween weekend.  I did.  My brother flew in to hang for the weekend and, as you know, he's one of my best friends in the world and so we laughed a lot.  I just got back from taking him to the airport.
    I had a great lunch yesterday at an out of the way Mexican place with a bunch of dear friends. We were celebrating my 28th birthday again.  So fun.  I can't even remember how many times we've celebrated my turning 28, but that's not really relevant anymore. 
     
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    Then, there was Annie Lennox.  She is stunning and iconic and, as I said before, a true artist.  And, then, she sat down at the piano sang a version of "Here Comes the Rain Again" with no other accompaniment.  That alone would've been worth the price of admission for me.  Brilliant. 
     
    Of course, no concert would complete without "that" person.  You know them, there's one at every concert.  The awkward one who is standing and dancing when everyone else is sitting.  Yes, THAT person.  The one everyone collectively hates.  Well, God was clearly smiling on me for my birthday because for the first time ever, "that" person was not next to me.  Instead, she was across the aisle and down one.  A total birthday blessing.  "That" lady was wearing a banana clip in her hair.  Did you all know you could still buy them?  I really thought they went out with the 80's.  But, then again, I'm quite sure "that" lady had no clue she was seeing Annie Lennox in 2007 rather than the Eurhythmics of the 80's, and so that ultimately explains a lot.
     
    Another favorite audience moment was provided by Wayne.  He was directly in front of me down three rows.  So, Annie sings a line that was so clear and powerful with the lyric , "Dying is easy.  It's the living that scares me to death."  Down in front of me I see a hand go up in witness like we're in an old-fashioned camp meeting...and I see Wayne is having church.  I love Wayne.
     
    Joel was about 20 feet from her down on the floor and so I don't know about his experience.  No, I'm not bitter at all.  So, it was MY birthday...whatever...  Tongue out
     
    All in all, the weekend was as good as it could've possibly been.  Thank you all for the well wishes and the emails.  I like you, too!!! 
     
    -b
    October 24

    Tolerance and Understanding

    I'm sure that if you're like me, you like to know about the very important emails exchanged between writers.  I'm so snoopy...  And, so, I thought it would be appropriate to include you.  Here's the text of an email I sent to Simon:
     
    I'm emailing this to three email addresses for you.  I didn't realize I had that many for you, but, nonetheless, this question will help build more understanding between our respective peoples.  I don't think our nations communicate enough about the little things since that unfortunate tea incident several years back.
     
    I like English muffins for breakfast.  This is what we call them:  English muffins.  A muffin, just a plain muffin, is different.  A muffin (minus the "English" part) is more like a a cupcake with the little paper thing around the bottom.  When I buy them at the store, they are actually labeled "English muffin."  Here is a picture of an English muffin (or half of one):
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    Now, is that what you all call a muffin?  Or do you call it an English muffin?  Or do you eat something totally different as a muffin? 
     
    Here is a picture of a normal "muffin" (minus the "English" label):
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    See?  They are totally different. 
     
    I've been thinking about this all morning and so I would appreciate your international insight.
     
    -b
     
    Here's his reply:
     

    Dude,

    You are SO right... and we call them English muffins. Since Starbucks arrived I think many people here even think of those cup cake things as muffins now. They are very yummy. We have them with jam (jelly), marmite (?) or honey (honey!). They are THE thing we use to make eggs benedict. They are wondeful.

    Thank you for asking.

    I feel the waters between us are somehow shallower.

    S.

     

    And, how much do you like hearing Simon use the word "dude?"

    I ask the questions we're all curious about.  You're welcome.

    -b

    p.s. Yes, "marmite" is next.

     

     

     
     
     
     
     

    When I Grow Up...

    I played my set last night, knew no one, finished it, grabbed the keyboard and was home at 8:15.  John, my hair guy, texted me at 8:15 to see where I was and to tell me he was there.  So, my hair worries were all for naught.  However, I did hate that he went and I was already done and gone.  Mercury is in retrograde, gang.  What else can I say?
     
    Meanwhile, I heard a song the other day that made me laugh out loud.  Not because it's funny, but because I wouldn't have ever thought of it.  AND, I reserved my laughter till AFTER the bridge once I was sure the writers didn't go to the obvious place.  They didn't. 
     
    The song is called, "Stealing Cinderella," and the artist is Chuck Wicks.  Chuck wrote it with Rivers Rutherford and George Teren.  Go to www.myspace.com/chuckwicks and you can find it from there.  It's worth a listen.
     
    I want to be Rivers Rutherford when I grow up.
     
    -b
    October 23

    Hair

    So, I've got a show tonight at a little cafe out of the way.  I've been there once to eat and it was pretty good, but that was back when it had first opened.  I haven't really told anybody about it.  I don't bug my friends to come out.  I'd rather go check out the venue on my own and then, if it's a good one and if I play it again, then I may send out a note.  I don't even do that every time, though, because I have great friends who will actually show up if I ask them to and there's nothing that makes me feel more uncomfortable than performing to a room of only people I've invited.  Yes, the owners always want to have me back because my friends will buy stuff, but I won't do that to my friends on purpose.
     
    I'd been looking to tonight as a show where I probably wouldn't know anyone and that's fine.  I was even thinking about doing a set of all gospel since I haven't done that in a while and it would keep me entertained.  Very low key and relaxed.  Singing for strangers is easy for me.
     
    Then, I get a text message from my hair guy. 
    It appears that he is thinking about coming.
    Which would be awesome...if it hadn't been raining since Sunday night and my hair wasn't FRIZZED out to high heaven!
    He's going to be so embarrassed.
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    Please know that John is so much better at his job than my hair might lead you to believe.
     
    -b

    update

    My friend Michael is communicating now.  Huge relief.
    Still on the ventilator, but we're seeing huge improvements. 
     
    -b
    October 22

    Squeak

    Today is the first day I've woken up without a headache that made me need to throw up.  I don't know what was going on in St. Louis, but my head hurt so bad every night that I actually woke in the middle of the night with it.  I could never live there.  I'd have to cut my head off.  I know it wasn't just me because Mom woke up the same way.  Maybe they were trying to poison us...
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    I fell asleep before 10:00 last night and slept like a log.  I'd thought I was driving back alone yesterday, but Wayne and Lyn ended up riding with me and so we talked all the way back. 
    I need to apologize to them for the squeak.
     
    I drive a Corolla.  Ever since I got it (new), it has made strange noises.  Nothing that would make me think I should take it in to have it checked, just odd "character" noises.  One of those is what I call my wind detector.  If the wind is blowing hard across the car, it squeaks.  Lyn said it sounded like one of those old dot matrix printers.  It does.  It's very loud.  Living in Nashville, I'll get a squeak here and there on a particularly windy day and it doesn't bother me. 
     
    Driving across the flat land of Missouri on a really windy day, however, brought one loud constant squeak, until we got to the north/south interstate.  It was something like an 80 mile squeak.  We were trying to listen to Daniel Kirkley's CD.  The squeak...well, let's just say it didn't enhance the experience. 
     
    ...another reason I couldn't live in St. Louis.
    ...but it's a great city.  I'm glad I get to visit.
     
    -b
     
     

    What Not to Do

    I was having dinner with some of the other clinicians on Saturday night when one of them asked me about this particular registrant. 
    I said, "I don't know who that is." 
    He said, "She told me she runs around with you when she comes to Nashville." 
    I said, "I couldn't pick her out of a line up right now." 
    Gang, that's not cool.  I'm highly unimpressed...and so was everyone else at the table.
     
    -b
    October 20

    check in

    I'm at the hotel somewhere west of St. Louis tonight.  WAJ just ended and I'm listening to the quiet in the room.  That's a nice change.  I'll drive home tomorrow in silence and then I'll be ready for music again.  It was nice to have a lot of new faces this year.  I felt interesting again...or something like that.
     
    Anyway, I just wanted to check in.  I'm here in a hotel while Jim has taken Pete on a camping trip.  I'm in a nice comfortably air conditioned room and they're peeing in the forest.  All is well with my world tonight and things are just as they are supposed to be.
     
    Shout out to Chris Kai...or is it Kia..wait, no, that's a car...it's definitely Kai...for winning the big grand prize.
     
    Hot Dog!
    -belinda
    October 17

    Heads UP!

    My sources tell me Mercury is in retrograde.
    I'm not sure what that means, but apparently it's not good.
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    Just giving you a heads up.
    May the force be with you.
     
    -b
    October 16

    To Believe or Not to Believe

    We had a bit of a scare, moreso than the normal awful level we're at, yesterday with Michael.  The doctors have said to expect him to be in ICU for at least another month, assuming he makes it.  He also now has pnemonia.  But, as if pnemonia wasn't bad enough, they were afraid that he'd gotten a blood clot in his lung late yesterday and that really could've been the official fatal turn.  They took him down for tests and wouldn't have the results until late evening. 
     
    It's the waiting that could drive a person insane.  It's the not knowing and the wondering.  It's watching the second hand and counting the clicks as it goes.
     
    Michael's mother is up in years and is not here, nor does he have any other family, and his friends are bearing all the responsibilities.  Getting the phone calls, making the phone calls, making sure his bills are paid, etc.  One friend is really the point person.  They've been friends for years and the responsibility fell to (and was welcomed by) one person.  I'm not going to give you his name.
     
    What I'm going to tell you about him is that as best I can tell, this friend does not believe in God.  I'd figured it out before based on little things he would say...or, really, not say...and after this weekend, I was sure.  Don't get me wrong.  He's a great guy and he's clearly respectful of anyone's beliefs.  He's not some Bible burning aetheist freak who loves to lamblast anyone who believes in something more.  He's just a good guy who has had enough thrown at him in his life experience that he hasn't been able to find a reason to believe, or a way to believe...or something like that. 
     
    I've been thinking a lot about this friend since all of this has been going on with Michael.  When someone says, "I'm praying," he very politely says, "Yeah, we need to keep him in our thoughts," or he'll make some other benign comment.  Perhaps I'm sensitive to it because I've always been surrounded by people who, even if they've never darkened a church door, call out to God in the most difficult times.  I've never been in a trench with someone who didn't believe, even in a time like now.
     
    When I got off the phone with him last night and while we were all waiting to hear whether or not Michael had the blood clot in his lung, all I could pray was, "God, show Yourself."  And I meant that not only for Michael, but for my other friend.  And, I didn't presume to know how God was to do that.
     
    A little while later, the friend gave us the news that it wasn't a blood clot like they'd feared.
     
    Michael's life is most definitely fragile right now and only time will tell how this is willed to play out.  I also believe, though, that other lives are being changed through this ordeal, as well, and I believe that God is most capable of knowing the exact things that need to be done and said to break through even the most cynical and hardened beliefs. 
     
    It's my belief that we all have to work things out for ourselves.  I can't do it for you and you can't do it for me.  But, I'm grateful that I've had enough opportunities in my life to see grace in action, been the recipient of mercy and felt the presence of real Hope that believing in God isn't a choice for me.  It's a given.  Sure, I have questions and there are things that I'm not totally certain about, but I am sure that God is real and I know that He exists in the present, in my present.  It's good to have that figured out.
     
    -b

    The Circle of LIfe

     

    Back in January, I told you about my frustrating evening at the Bluebird.  Or, perhaps more accurately, I ranted to you.  Necessary Evils
    Well, as I was chasing down all the artists on Saturday night to get them sign the poster I'd planned to auction later, I had just a second to sit down on some stairs behind John's house while some folks were hanging out back there.  I was waiting on Hillary (Lindsey) to sign when I realized that the guy sitting next to me was the guy.  He was the THE GUY who got to go into the Bluebird show at the precise point at which it was my turn.  He got to sit at the table (because he knew people who got him in) where I would've gotten to sit had he not walked up just in time.  He got the good view and I got the pole.  I have blamed him for my terrible seat in the window ever since. 

    Everyone was chatting and when he tried to strike up a conversation with me, I looked at him and said, "I've been harboring resentment toward you and I think you need to know that."

    He was amused...and a little struck...when I explained the story.  He kept saying, "But did you get in?" and I kept saying, "Oh, NOW you care!"  He couldn't believe I remembered him after all that time and he said he never goes to the Bluebird because it's always miserable.  I said, "ME EITHER!"  After what was actually a pretty funny conversation, I looked at him and said, "I've decided to forgive you and move on."  Then I retreived my poster and I left. 

    Nashville really is a small town.

    -b

     

     

    Sold

    I wrote with Simon last night. 
    Here's what Simon had accomplished before noon yesterday:  he bought a house.
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    Here's what I had accomplished before noon yesterday:  I'd eaten an English muffin and had a glass of orange juice.
     
    I also iChatted (is that how you say it?) with Sue on Simon's mac.  I'm not a mac-ster and so I'd never been more freaked out.  There was a familiar head speaking to me from Simon's laptop.  Sorry, gang.  I'm just not comfortable on camera.  Another reason why I won't be switching from PC.
     
    -b
    October 15

    Weekend

    I had the busiest weekend I've had in a long time.  Did we have the normal amount of time or was the weekend shortened?  I think I'm still missing a few hours.
     
    Rock the Cabin was good.  There was a lower turn out than expected, but the people who came were great.  My live auction went really well.  We were auctioning off the $50 gift certificate to The Corner Pub as Suzy Boggess was coming on and she so generously offered to join whomever bought it.  That immediately upped the bids.  Suzy Boggess is quite awesome.  ...and not just because of her kind generosity.  I also had a blast getting to know Donna from WKDF.  She stepped in to host when Storme Warren of GAC had to cancel due to illness in his family.  Donna handled everything I threw at her like the pro she is.  Thanks, chic.  Actually, all the performers were generous and lovely.  Oh, oh, oh...Mandy Barnett.  For the love of all things good and holy, go see her if you have a chance.  She's that good.  No, she's even better than that.  Seriously.
     
    I'll have more morsels for you as I have more time, but those are a few highlights.
     
    I spent yesterday afternoon at the hospital with Michael.  He's in ICU and is on some significant drugs so he's not very responsive...of course.  His nurse told us to talk really loud (she said yell) and he could hear us.  We're like, "Is it appropriate to yell in ICU?  There are sick people here?"  Well, she did and so I decided to step up.  I was already holding his hand and so I yelled, "Michael, it's Belinda," ...and something over in all the monitors and machines to which he is attached began to beep.  Holy cow.  I've broken something.  Oh. My. Goodness.  While there is technically only supposed to be 2 people in the room at a time, there were four of us.  I froze.  Thankfully, Eric had the mental presence to go get a nurse...and it turns out it wasn't me after all.  Michael had just run out of something and they needed to replace it.  So, I spent the rest of my visit yelling at Michael off and on.  For a self-proclaimed "soft talker" it was especially weird.  But, there are just some things you've got to do.
     
    Later, gang--
     
    -b
     
     
    October 12

    We are the World

    I believe that we can make a difference in our communities.  And, when everyone gets behind something, it matters. 
     
    Things for the fundraiser are going well.  Yesterday's nervous breakdown, ironically, had nothing to do with Rock the Cabin (www.rockthecabin.com).  Of all the volunteer things I've helped with, this one has been the easiest.  I've had more businesses than I would've predicted tell me they weren't interested in helping, but the ones who have stepped up have been awesome.  Very, very generous.  And, once John started doing radio interviews this week, his email has been flooded with the saddest stories from farmers all around Middle Tennessee and how they're trying to stay afloat.  The stories have been so pitiful.  There is a very real crisis here in Tennessee and I'm proud to be involved in this relief effort.  Even though my part is small, I feel better knowing I'm at least doing something. 
     
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    So, shame on all the businesses who've been unwilling to pony up at least a $25 donation.  These farmers provide the meat and vegetables we all eat.  And to the restaurants who've refused?  Shame on you especially.  Yes, putting up a poster in your place was nice, but it wasn't near enough.  The restaurant down around 33rd and West End?  Shame on you.  You don't need 90 days to consider a cause.  Not this one.  But, gang, I'm not going to talk about them anymore. 
     
    I'm going to mention Marcia Jervis who owns The Mad Platter in Germantown.  Marcia is amazing.  The Mad Platter really ponied up.  And I'm going to mention Flyte restaurant and OMBi and Germantown Cafe and The Turnip Truck...  There are more, but I know all of my readers don't live in Nashville, so I'll spare you, for now.  Regardless, these are the places I want to support when I go out.  These are the businesses who have earned my patronage.  These are the people with whom I want to be associated. 
     
    Darn it.
    -b
     
     
     
     
    October 11

    Nervous Breakdown via Internet with run-on sentences

    Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketWhat you need to know about me and what I can say to you because you’re not standing in front of me looking at you is that I can’t fix everything.  I used to think I could.  A therapist once told me I have a Christ Complex.  I thought that was kind of funny, but I couldn’t argue with her.  What I have to remind myself is that I am not Christ.  Who has to remind themselves EVER that they are not a savior?  I do, I guess.  I cannot save the world.  And I cannot fix my friend who is in the hospital right now with a rare disease that is paralyzing him.  I cannot predict how permanent any of the damage will be.  And I cannot take my other friends worries upon myself.  She doesn’t know what she wants to do with her life and she’s miserable.  I haven’t had a conversation with her in over 9 months where she isn’t complaining about how unhappy she is.  I don’t even respond in the dialogue anymore because there’s nothing else I can say.  I want to scream, “THEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT,” but that won’t help.  And I don’t even know what she is supposed to do about it.  And I’ve said it a million times.  And I cannot possibly carry the guilt for every little thing that another person in my life likes to impose on me when she is trying to manipulate me so she can get her way.  There are days when I’m stronger with it than others.  Today isn’t a strong day.  And if I had a dime for everyone who has called me crying lately, I could retire to Italy tomorrow a very rich person.  And I cannot possibly give enough of my time to help other people.  Every second of my time still wouldn’t be enough for some.  I cannot do enough.  I cannot say enough.  I cannot give enough.  Enough is really never enough.  I don’t know why I’m still surprised by that.  And, yesterday, I thought to myself, “I need to call Nicole and ask her if she knows anything about this.”  Nicole died last fall.  Sometimes it still doesn’t seem real.  And I want to be able to hear out of my right ear.  I’m so tired of this infection.  And I want to stop having nightmares and I want to stop feeling like I’m missing something and I want to stop this now…

     

    And, I just want a good sandwich for lunch.  Is that too much to ask?

     

    -b

    October 10

    Farm Relief

    www.RocktheCabin.com                               
     
    I'm very involved in a fundraiser.  I know, I SWORE I'd never volunteer for anything ever again.  And, honestly, I wouldn't have had I not known that my friend John G. would do what he said he would do.  That's the problem with volunteering.  No one wants to do anything unless it is easy and will take them all of about 3 minutes of effort.  I would have never believed that until I headed up several fundraisers and realized the ugly truth of it. 
     
    So, when John talked to me about this one, I knew he would hold up his end and I wanted to help in what way I could.  We have a great concert happening on Saturday and the cost of admission is one bale of hay.  Well, you're going to fund a bale of hay which is $20.  The farmers here in Middle Tennessee are in dire need of hay and we have a shortage due to the drought over the summer.  John got the idea to put together a relief concert at his house and everything took off from there. 
     
    I've been working on the auction items and I'm pretty happy with what we've been able to come up with over the past two weeks.  The good thing about doing something like this all last minute is that you don't have to be under lots of pressure for a long time. 
     
    Anyway, check the link above for the info and come on out if you can.  I'm inviting you all to come enjoy because I believe you'll love the evening AND I believe in the cause. 
     
    -b
    October 09

    Birthday Alert

    Today is Jim's birthday.
    He is MUCH older than I am. 
    Way, way, way older.
    Like, so much older that he's actually started thinking he's younger than I am. 
     
    Meanwhile, his parents came over yesterday from East Tennessee and took us to dinner last night.  Several months back, I'd made them a CD of some of my cuts and demos.  Jim's dad emailed me on Sunday to tell me that they'd since lost it and was wondering if I would make them another.  (He actually blamed it on Jim's sister, but still...)  And, so I said to Jim's dad, "Do you think Mozart had to deal with this type of stuff?"  Tongue out
     
    -b